Random

What happens when the only thing you have is your thoughts about everything you don't have?! Is resentment and jealousy the driving force behind loneliness and despair? What is the driving force behind happiness...LOVE. People say all the time "you have to love yourself before you can love others." Sometimes when we are loved, we learn how to love. Maybe the first step is becoming lovable.  If we are trustworthy, we are trusted which in return we learn how to trust. The earth is round and so is our journey...maybe some people see life's journey as a line of a start and an end point, but what if we end up right where we started? We are born into a place of openness and naive perspectives...we start this life with a deep breathe in as we open our eyes. In the end we leave this place with openness of the ever after and naive perspectives of what lies ahead...with one deep breath out and eyes closed. In the broader scheme of things we start with and inhale and end with an exhale...doesn't that insinuate that life is just ONE big breath with a journey full of personal experiences in between?! I feel as if life is about purpose and fulfillment. I'm not narrowing life down to just one single purpose and fulfillment, it can be filled with multiple, which is up to the individual. Life is exactly what we make it, we have no control over situations that happen, however we are a manifestation of our deepest desires and/or fears, whichever wolf you choose to feed. This isn't to say that individuals are doomed to one perspective, because life is about a journey of purpose and fulfillment...these perspectives can sway from one to another within a matter of moments, depending of course on how long an individual chooses to live within a particular situation. As individuals we have the power to adjust or reassign our perspective. If excitement and anxiousness are the same feeling, that has the same physical effects on our body than what makes them different? Our perception of the feeling is what makes it different, it's which we choose to give power to. Our thoughts control our mind's reaction to our physical feelings, perception changes the way we feel based on our thoughts. I feel as if the opposition of ignorance is enlightenment. Ignorance is stagnant is lies in between purpose and fulfillment, where as enlightenment brings knowledge and stimulates growth, growth is the final stage of fulfillment, after fulfillment comes new purpose. A relationship ceasing doesn't represent someones lack of self worth or inability to be loved, it represents the fulfillment of purpose because the maximum level of growth within that relationship has been reached, the sooner we embrace fulfillment and let go the sooner our new purpose can present itself, but ONLY with the conscious choice to let go can we than receive. Things cannot properly advance to the next step until we have completely lifted our foot off of the one beneath it. This journey is to bring us up to the highest point of life. When the highest point of life is reached we than have come back to the beginning of openness and naive perspectives.

Michael Alano Portaro

Michael Alano Portaro, I miss you everyday since that insignificant person took you away. not a minute goes by where something happens that doesn't remind me of you, or a situation arises where I wish you where there. You left this life with so many broken hearts and even though GOD was there to comfort you, the DEVIL was working through the person that did this to you. I miss your laugh, it lifted my spirit. I miss your deep blue eyes, that would look right into the soul of people you loved. I miss your jokes, that weren't always funny but I laughed because you thought they were. I miss you and Jeff picking on me, I pretended to pout but deep down it made me feel special. I miss how big you were because your hugs would swallow me. I miss your style, I've never seen anything else like it. I miss how protective you were about the people you loved, you'd never let anything bad happen to us. You were Mikey P. Mike. Michael. You had a love for people that was so strong that sometimes your heart would hurt for them. I've seen you Laugh, I've seen you Cry, I've seen you Love and I've seen your Pain, no matter what happened you never changed who you were. You always kept your integrity. You viewed yourself equal to everyone, you never judged and you never condemned. You were God's angel. Who what when where why, who cares. You're gone. But only in the physical form. You will never be gone in my heart. I cannot walk into a gas station without someone knowing who you are. What the heck, I knew how important you were to me and I definitely know how important you still are to Jeff but I had no idea how many people you truly touched. I got a puppy a few days ago that I know you would Love. Actually I'm pretty sure you would have tried to bring his brother home too :]. The most contradictory part to this whole thing, is that I wish you were here to help me go through the feelings of not having you. If it were anyone else you'd know what to say, or even what not to say. Your prescence was a gift that I cherish. You know how I don't like to cry so I hold back the tears but than my throat starts to hurt. I don't want to talk about my memories because I want to keep them for my mind only. They're kind of like my own little personal memory card. You know and I know. This is the first time I've actually written something about you. I haven't gone on your facebook and written comments or checked your voicemail. But I do feel you laughing at me when I'm alone and doing stupid stuff, I just wish you and Jeff could laugh together. When I'm driving and singing along to the music on the radio I think "oh no now Mike finally gets to hear me sing," so than I stop because I don't want you to laugh ha, I feel like you're going to tell Jeff. Anyways, I love you bro, you were the 3rd party in this relationship. It was a 3-way that actually worked, once you're used to having three it's a trip going to two. But please visit Jeff, he needs you. He needs you so much Mike. Sometimes he just sits by himself and watches videos of you two and I hear him giggling. You know I already think he's crazy but I love him and I know you do too, I know you love me and you know I love you.

COLOR COMBUSTION

Michael Dydasco Photography. This shoot was so much fun I La La Loove MESSY!

Peace.Love.Rock'N'Roll

One of my alter-ego's is a peace n' love hippie. It's just that kind of a day

MIKEY P.

My best friend was shot on March 30, 2011 doing what he loves to do...He was an incredible human being who had a heart that had room for anyone. This person was a performer for a new movement that is going to spread globally. HEART HOP-all love all real underground hip-hop movement. R.I.P. Mikey P. You are with GOD now, break dancing on clouds and continuing to spread your love over all.

Stand Up!

Stand Up for your RIGHTS, Stand Up for what you BELIEVE In, Stand Up for your GENERATION, Stand Up for the INNOCENT, Stand Up for your COUNTRY, Stand Up for YOURSELF!

We are always getting ready to live but never living

It seems as if in life I hear people saying, "I want to do that one day." Why not now? Obviously things don't just fall into our lap and happen over night but there is a process of action that people can take to reach their highest goals and biggest ambitions. After I put the Meth and other drugs down and decided to take a new direction with my life. In 2007 I went to cosmetology school to keep myself busy and my time occupied, when I graduated in 2009 I decided to attend college and get my masters degree in alcohol and drug counseling. It is now 2011 and even though I am halfway through with college I still haven't gotten my liscence for cosmetology, I kept putting it off and using college as an excuse not to take the test. As time went by and I started getting further and further away from my goal, I started feeling worse about myself. FINALLY, I had people who loved me urging me to follow my goals, I'm now in the process of setting up my test and even though I am SoOo nervous about passing I feel SO GOOD about myself for getting off my butt and taking action!! WE ARE ALWAYS GETTING READY TO LIVE BUT NEVER LIVING, even though my schedule is full, between working, full-time college, cosmetology test and making time for friends and family I HAVE NEVER been happier and my life has never been so fulfilled. I am so grateful for having a full life and living it to the fullest.
Love
Melinda